Thankful for the Last Leaf

The last couple days have been interesting. Someone I love beyond description relapsed on the worst of worse drugs and my heart has been aching tremendously as I have been able to sit and hold her while she detoxes cold turkey.

Scary stuff.

My mind has been racing non-stop with a thousand things. But as I sat there holding her flinching body, I found myself calmly repeating over and over just breathe, just breathe. She would scream out that she could not do this, but I reaffirmed that she could. It was awesomely clear to me that she would make it through, but she could not see it. There was no doubt in my mind she would be okay. Though it was thickly impossible in her mind.

I thought to some of the things I struggle with in my life. I laughed at how impossible some of my trials seem, and then, in that moment, God seemed to whisper in my ear just breathe, you can do this. I smiled in that epiphany and held tighter to the girl in my arms that didn't believe, but would. will. someday. believe.

Then this morning I got into my car, covered in leaves and began to drive to work. The leaves fell off one by one. Knocked off by the wind, and my windshield wipers. The whole time there was one leaf still hanging on. It never budged. Then the wind got stronger and my thoughts changed. Instead of me hoping that the wind would remove the leaves, I was rooting for the last leaf. I remembered an old video I think I must have seen of a short story written by O.Henry. (Story below.)

It held on all the way to work and I kept thinking about how sometimes we just need something to hold onto and to look forward to when we don't believe we can do it. Whatever it is. We all need a last leaf. I have been thinking of who and what the last leaves are in my life. I am lucky. I have so many. God, Jesus the Christ, my family, my dear friends, my faith, my future. I am thankful for these last leaves in my life. They show me beauty, faith, love and fill me with peace and patience to get through my trials.

The Last Leaf by O.Henry

Johnsy has fallen ill and is dying of pneumonia. She watches the leaves fall from a vine outside the window of her room, and decides that when the last leaf drops, she too will die. While Sue tries to tell her to stop thinking like that, Johnsy is determined to die when the last leaf falls.

An old, frustrated artist named Behrman lives below Johnsy and Sue. He has been claiming that he will paint a masterpiece, even though he has never even attempted to start. Sue goes to him, and tells him that her sister is dying of pneumonia, and that Johnsy claims that when the last leaf falls off of a vine outside her window, she will die. Behrman scoffs at this as foolishness, but—as he is protective of the two young artists—he decides to see Johnsy and the vine.

In the night, a very bad storm comes and wind is howling and rain is splattering against the window. Sue closes the curtains and tells Johnsy to go to sleep, even though there were still four leaves left on the vine. Johnsy protests but Sue insists on doing so because doesn't want Johnsy to see the last leaf fall. In the morning, Johnsy wants to see the vine, to be sure that all the leaves are gone, but to their surprise, there is still one leaf left.

While Johnsy is surprised that it is still there, she insists it will fall that day. But it doesn't, nor does it fall through the night nor the next day. Johnsy believes that the leaf stayed there to show how wicked she was, and that she sinned in wanting to die. She regains her will to live, and makes a full recovery throughout the day.

In the afternoon, a doctor talks to Sue. The doctor says that Mr. Behrman has come down with pneumonia and, as there is nothing to be done for him, he is being taken to the hospital to be made comfortable in his final hours. A janitor had found him helpless with pain, and his shoes and clothing were wet and icy cold. The janitor couldn't figure out where he had been on that stormy night, though she had found a lantern that was still lit, a ladder that had been moved, some scattered brushes, and a palette with green and yellow colors mixed on it. "Look out the window, dear, at the last ivy leaf on the wall. Didn't you wonder why it never fluttered or moved when the wind blew? Ah, darling, it's Behrman's masterpiece - he painted it there the night that the last leaf fell.""

The Movie remake... if you don't want to read it. 
(There are three parts to this.)

Updates: 

She is on the up and up for now. It is, again, up to her to hold on and keep breathing so she doesn't use again. But, for now, she is doing okay.

Also, I kept the leaf.