The McDonalds Poop incident of 2004

From 2003-2005 I went on a mission for my church to New Jersey. I was paired with young women from all over the world and we served and taught people from northern New Jersey.

The people I met were inspiring, hysterical and awesome. The girls I served with were the same.


This is one of the times I laughed and cried the hardest... enjoy...

Seriously. enjoy.


Three of us were in a small town on the north end of New Jersey.

Not the laid out gorgeous greens or beaches but tight streets. Full of people. All kinds. When I say all kinds, I mean one from everyone country you could ever think of. The ambiance of New Jersey is my absolute favorite.

Three of us. Dawn, Tenney and I.

Tenney's first name is Katie. But she is more of a Tenney that a Katie. So forever more... Tenney.

We needed to pee. It happens. So we stopped.

At McDonalds.

Enter the bathroom.

Small restroom. When we walked in there were two stalls. The closest was occupied. Dawn entered the latter. Across from the last stall, a single sink.

Tenney and I are standing in the one open area waiting for a stall. Just silently waiting.

When all of a sudden, a giant log of poo hit the floor from beneath the first stall.

It was like when you notice a spider in the room and you can NOT take your eyes off it in fear that it will walk towards you.

We just stared at it. Mortified. We couldn't move.We couldn't speak.

It was the log of the century!

Then a shaky hand moved down and grabbed the poo.

We looked at each other and then back at the door. Staring at the door. Wondering what would emerge. Where was the poo? Why had it hit the floor? HOW had it hit the floor?

The door opened.

Out emerged a little old lady.

A little old lady that had clearly struggled with the poo log.

There were bits of poo and chunks of toilet paper on her hands.

She hobbled to the sink and tried unsuccessfully to wash the poop of her hands.

There was no soap.

Tenney and I just stared. In complete silence. Eyes as big as the moon.

As she finished up the poo water was strewn every where, with a little bit of corn circulating the drain. (kidding about the corn, but still.)

She made her way to the door.

Just behind where we were standing.

Tenney, in an effort to save the world from this poo-monster, reached her hand out to open the door.

I mean, for the love, we also had to eventually leave the bathroom.

And then it happened.

It slow motion, and all simultaneously, the following events happened:

Tenney grabbed the door handle.
The old lady grabbed the door handle.
Unable to contain my emotions, completely burst into tears.
Tenney withdrew her hand, thrust it to the heavens and screamed.
Dawn emerged from the stall from silence to screams and tears and a poop smeared bathroom.






It took us all awhile to recuperate from the moment, and then explain all that had happened to Dawn. Still with no soap, we cleansed Tenney's hands with a whole bottle of hand sanitizer and I still won't touch her hand to this day.


So.... ya know...

Shit happens.

but mostly in McDonalds.