How do you even bring it up?
I am not good at it.
I make things weird.
But, I haven't met anyone who does it well.
Pre-Story Facts:
In college I had fallen for Lenny.
(Names have been changed to protect... something. Maybe?)
Fell hard. And we were there, and it was a good thing.
I left to serve a mission in New Jersey.
He was then in New York.
He was not LDS, and didn't understand that although I would be in Jersey he would not be able to skip over and take me to dinner so we just cut ties for 18 months.
I wasn't worried, we had been friends for years and 18 months is not a big deal.
Then I came home.
Story:
It was my first day home.
Lenny called me.
It was a surprise since he didn't know exactly when I'd be home again.
Small chat for less than 3 minutes.
Then...
Lenny: "What do you look like now?"
Melissa: "The exact same." I guessed that was a legit question though he had no reason to have any history with knowing people that some people came home having gained 50 pounds. But, whatever... maybe HE looked different? " Ha ha, Why? What do YOU look like now?" I suddenly got this really crazy feeling. I knew what he was going to tell me.
Lenny: "I started taking estrogen awhile ago." There. That is what my head just told me. Why in the hell why I jump there first? This is the first time you have ever encountered this. You don't have a slew of transgendered friends. Just listen to him Melissa. "I now look like a girl completely, and will have the official surgery in a couple months."
Melissa: "I have soooo many questions. But really I just want to know if you are happy."
Lenny "I am, it feels like I finally found a pair of pants that truly fit.
His answer may sound ridiculous to you. I usually get a big reaction, but its what he said to me. It is oddly peaceful to me. I smile when I remember that sentence. I didn't have a first reaction. I remember being quiet. I had no basis from which to react from. We talked for hours, days, months about everything he was going through. I had many reactions after that. My heart had to reconcile a lot of questions and fears and to be honest, stereotypes. It was an amazing, interesting, and beautiful conversation that in some ways is still taking place.
The Epiphany:
For the most part I tell this story when girls would talk about how they loved a gay boy that broke their hearts. It's that annoying story that just one-upped your amazing dating story. I'm sorry for that. This story is worth more than that.
I have been thinking about Lenny (now Leah) lately. She was the first person that really truly showed me how complicated life was. Truly and honestly complicated life is. But that it was all okay. It made me feel God closer as I plead to understand these complications. She became a beautiful sister of mine, and that was okay.
Life is messy. It is complicated. It is sometimes frustratingly unbelievably not able to understand like you want to. Remember to listen to life. It will teach you beautiful things. Meanwhile, Paciencia y Fe. And laughter. Remember to laugh.
Now she teases me about how I've technically kissed a girl, and we laugh.
IMPORTANT NOTE: For all my fellow alumni who are now racking their minds furiously trying to think back to the boys I dated or kissed in college... they didn't go to school with us. Only one of my room mates ever met her when she visited once.
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