My Life: A Living Comedy of Errors

How? What? Huh!

Matilda was prescribed a seizure medicine that cost $150 a month.

The pharmacist said that was expensive and offered some solutions.

At her 6 month follow up with a specialist ($$$) I brought up that it was quite expensive and offered up the solutions from the pharmacist. They were for adults so he suggested checking out different pharmacies.

Downloaded an app, researched other medicines, polled the audience and found out that some pharmacies were super expensive to fill through, and others quite a bit cheaper. Was I thrilled that this was not told to me by the doctor, not in the slightest! I felt like a victim of pharmaceuticals in my child’s illness.

We paid a little bit less, but not tons, by finding a cheaper pharmacy.

1 year follow up, everything is going well except paying a lot for the medicine. (I acknowledge it isn’t even that expensive compared to what some have to pay.) So he offers a suggestion to another medicine option. (Ben thinks maybe it’s because she’s in a higher weight and can take a heartier medicine?) So he sends the prescription in to swap it out thinking it might be a little cheaper.

I picked it up tonight. It costs $6.

Six dollars!!!!

I’m obviously delighted that it is a tiny amount.

But if I could have found that a year ago? All the money I could have saved? If it was her weight just tell me so I don’t wonder myself to death? Why are there even such things as generic if it’s the same thing? Why is it legal to exploit people in their medicinal needs?

Exploit brands of hair products, makeup, clothes, sure!! Hike up the prices!

But not medicine.

I run the 5ks to help fund better ways to heal our bodies. I’m willing to pay tax dollars, or help solicit donations for private funds to cure things.

I don’t understand how I could do my part to ask all the right questions and be in this position.

I also recognize I’m in a really great place to even be able to afford the first medicine in the first place. Part of my rage is thinking about anyone else who can’t? What then? Children die? My heart is a mess.

Pharmaceuticals and insurance are horrifying.

How do I effect a change in our system?

Love: Disneyland

Remember this post?

Then this one?

Still feel the same way. This man. Oh dear. He is pretty great.

When I get home, he jumps off the couch and rushes to kiss my face. It's gross, I love it.

When we are watching TV and he gets up I giggle cause I know it is just because he wants to kiss me --or he is getting me a popsicle. I love both.

When I am tired and then immediately cranky... he tells me to go take a nap... which I find hilarious even though I scowl at him as I walk to my bed.

When we have both had the longest days, he makes dinner.

He tells me how beautiful I am I have started thinking he is working some sort of long con... but he is so cute that I am in for the ride.

He is my disneyland, and I love him.

Love: Pets

We have always had pets in our house. For as long as I can remember we have always had a furry animal in the house. Cats (surprised, I know), Dogs of all kinds, Hamsters, an Iguana, and Ferrets (our favorite). Each time my dad brought home a new animal, it was the light of our house. And each time my dad brought home a new pet, we loved the heck out of them. Most people I know have one or two pets for their entire childhood, but for some reason we've never had that luck. They've gotten sick, run away, and died... come to think of it... it's crazy nuts how many we've been through.

When my mother let us know that Milo, our last Ferret, was gone she sent an email that said the following:

PS As a side note. I thank you kids for loving and taking care of the pets that dad or you have brought home for us. they have taught us good things and brought many smiles. but I just want everyone to know that this is it for me. I am gratefully finished with owning and caring for animals. Don't know any kinder way to say it, I can't do it again. Please with all my heart, don't let dad or anyone surprise me with another pet.

I smiled when I read it, and out right laughed. My dad always surprised us with new pets. We never had to beg once. There was always a new life to love dearly. But I related to my mothers exhaustion in loving these animals. In a small way she is talking about cleaning up after them, but more than that she is referring to the heart she put into each pet we had. Each time a pet died, it was heart wrenching. It came with being a part of the Singleton family, pets or not. Once we love you, boy do we love you and it is so hard for us to let you out of our lives.

I can count the number of times my father has cried, and remember each one with such tender and full memories. One of these times surrounded a conversation we had about our pets. It was a winter month, and my dad was driving me back to college after a weekend home. We were chatting about a million things, and my dad decided to play me a song by Garth Brooks, The Dance. As he began to play the song, he began telling me that he knew that mom didn't love it when he continued to bring more pets home to us. He shared with me that he knew it was hard for us when each of them died, but that the pain he watched us go through as we mourned these animals was worth the love and intense joy they brought us. He choked up and quickly brushed away the tears as he told me that the pain we felt shouldn't stop us from getting another pet that we could love.

I have never forgotten this moment. I have loved that song since. I have thought back on this lesson my dad taught me thousands of times. Life's moments can be excruciatingly painful. Whether they are because of choices we have made or because of someone's, sometimes the blows can be so much that you don't want to get up again. But the joys, excitement, love and nervousness of new experiences are worth it to try it again. To get up and put yourself out in the wide world. To be vulnerable. To dance.

And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance

On my wedding, my dad and I danced to that song. He cried as he reminded me that life was there to dance and I cried because I love my dad so damn much.

Love: Broken things

Sometimes life will break us.

Sometimes small hairline fractures, sometimes completely into pieces.

All times we choose whether they make us stronger or weaker by how we choose to heal.

I have had friends continually that have let those breaks weaken them until they were indeed broken.

I keep thinking that with all of the really hard things in my life, have I let myself heal properly so that I really am stronger?

When rough things hit us we need to take the time to grow, to embrace the painful things and make us better.

For ourselves and for those around us.

So with each hard moment, take the time to heal.

Don't let your heart become hardened from life.

When you break a leg you have to begin walking on it again.

Life goes on, keep walking.

It will make you stronger or weaker.

Either way, it is your choice.

I love that life provides us this natural way of becoming stronger.

Love: Forever Friends

Friends.

I have had a few...

I may have a problem with that. You see when someone comes into my life I have this desire to keep them forever. Which is why when I gave my wedding invite list to my husband it was a moment of utter shock that I even knew that many people let alone felt a real connection of long-time friendship with them. I did. With each one.

But more than the individuals that have changed my life over the years in moments that I will cherish forever there is something wonderful about the few that have been there the longest (sometimes not the longest) and through the most.

Less than a handful of people that have truly allowed me to consistently be in their lives and part of mine as we both have grown and changed and become completely different people... yet together, still.

I love that new kind of friendship.

I love that growing kind of love.

Thank you for continually letting me in. Even when it was scary or you didn't think we'd still understand each other... turns out we did, and we are still funny and amazing women!

Love: My sisters

I love my sisters more than anything in the world. They are my rocks.

When my sisters and I were younger we would play "Army." It was majorly influenced by the fact that my father was in the National Guard and our love for the television show "Major Dad." The game was nothing like a group of little boys blowing things up and going to war, instead our bedroom was a headquarter of some non-specific military branch and we would do paperwork. Just paperwork. I would file something to Amber, she would pass it to Ariel for approval and then it would need to circle back to me to get fixed or refiled. Looking back the whole idea is a hysterical look at how children see the military, whatever. We even had names... based on our middle names...

Lieutenant Dawn

Major DaNae

Colonel Deanne
General Diane

Since then, we have on occasion pulled these names out in notes, cards, emails and phone calls and they are very special to us. One day when I was having a really hard day, I received flowers at work from my sisters and with it this note:

When times are tough my sisters are my rocks. I mean I have amazing friends, no contest. But family is family and they are beyond all the best.

When my brothers started getting married, I got two more sisters as well. Mandy and Nikki. They have added an additional support to my foundation I never knew was missing until I had them.

We each have a dog tag that says our name and "Unitur Sorores, in confide et gratia" which means "United as Sisters, in Courage and Grace."